


For every star in your eyes

by yunliu



Category: Warriors - Erin Hunter
Genre: Gen, I Made Myself Cry, StarClan (Warriors)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-31
Updated: 2020-01-31
Packaged: 2021-02-25 08:20:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22492942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yunliu/pseuds/yunliu
Summary: Jayfeather wonders how it was like to be a newborn kitten, to only know the warm milk-scent of your mother. Leafpool lets him remember.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 43





	For every star in your eyes

**Author's Note:**

> I've never read Squirrelflight's Hope. Hearing Leafpool's death saddened me (she's my favourite cat) so I filled in the own blanks in my head... intermingled with my own grief.

The night seemed to wear on. Jayfeather casts a tail upon the unconscious tabby lightly; feeling the shallow breathing of the she-cat as her chest rises and falls. If he blinks for even a second longer, he would miss it. Although his foster mother, Squirrelflight, had been unconscious as well, her condition did not worry him. She often appears to be talking in her sleep, shifting recklessly. 

As for Leafpool, however... 

Cautiously, he faces her, contemplative. He leans forward, tasting her strong scent of herbs. Jayfeather buries his muzzle into her pelt, nosing towards her stomach. _This is what he would have felt, he thinks, when he was a newborn kit. When all I knew was my mother, the scent of milk; nothing more. It must have been nice._

Exhaustion creeps into his bones. He feels his eyelids becoming harder to open, but he lashes his tail impatiently, using his hind paws to push himself back upright. He really shouldn't be falling asleep now, in case Leafpool or Squirrelflight needs help. 

He turns to the dark ginger cat, silently timing her breathing. As their conditions had been stable for a long time now, he decided to leave the stuffy medicine cat den for a moment of fresh air. They will be fine, he concludes, taking his paws towards the entrance. 

Just one paw step outside, and Jayfeather can already taste the difference. He can taste the sweet tinge of dew lingering in the air. Flicking his ears, he appreciates the hushed sounds of chirping crickets and rustling leaves. It helps him forget. 

Maybe, Jayfeather thinks childishly, if he goes up the high-ledge, he will be closer to silverpelt. Maybe, he thinks again, he will be able to feel them. He carefully climbs up the structure by feeling the weight of his paws on the stones. If it had been somewhere familiar in the camp, he would have been able to climb with ease. 

He sits down, curling his tail towards his paws. The gentle wind tickles his face; his whiskers waver with the effort. Jayfeather turns his face to the sky, and tries to remember how the moon looks in the messages he's received. He remembers the mossy scent of Briarlight, carrying the elders wet moss to drink from all day. 

Jayfeather blinks his eyes. The darkness stays. 

Jayfeather blinks his eyes once more. He sees _stars._

The glazed layers of his pupils wash away into vision. He feels the beginnings of laughter escape his throat as excited giggles. The sight of StarClan never fails to amaze him. Twinkling lights upon sparkling stars glitter endlessly in an azure blue sky. Everyone seems like it's been coated in lighter shade, to glow even more in an already glowing land. 

"Briarlight." Jayfeather murmurs happily, leaning in to touch his nose to hers. She pulls away, giving him a moment to take in her appearance. Her pelt is beautiful and glossy; muscles ripple under her fur, and her hind legs... they no longer drag behind her uselessly, instead, they support her as she stands proudly. He breathes a sigh of wonder. "You look so strong." 

Her whiskers twitch in amusement. "I didn't think of that to describe me," she mewed. "Now, I see what you mean." Although she appears to have stars weaved into her brown fur, her down-to-earth nature settles him back into the ground. It's as if she's still with him. 

"But, you're not here to talk to me." She steps away to reveal his mentor, Leafpool. Her fur seems to glisten every time she leans into the millions of lights. 

A cold wave of shock makes him nearly jump. Then, comes the grief. "No, no," he shakes his head disbelievingly. "You're with StarClan now. I'm sorry I didn't stay to watch you." 

The she-cat's starry amber gaze meets him kindly. "It's not your fault, Jayfeather. I would have went, with or without you there." She gently rests her tail-tip against him. Leafpool regards him with her eyes with an emotion he can't recognise, leading him away. "Come with me." There's nowhere different she can lead him, or at least that's what he can see. He's learnt not to question StarClan cats, and simply follows her.

The background morphs into far outside of territory. White snow covers every surface. It's late at night, a night just like the one was Jayfeather pulled out of. Strong, howling gales rushed past the two cats like cunning hunters. 

"Where is this?" But she goes ahead instead of responding. Jayfeather huffs and follows. 

They approach a hollow tree. He can hear Leafpool moaning in great pain, but she's still here with him, slightly visible against the backdrop. It's almost as if... a queen's giving birth?

Jayfeather hurriedly enters the hollow. A much younger Leafpool is leaning against the tree wall. Two kittens are already pressed up to her, suckling. Squirrelflight hovers over her littermate. "Is the gray tom alright?" she asks. 

A shadow seems to be cast over Leafpool's face. Jayfeather has helped many she-cats with birthing before, and is familiar with their expressions of joy. Hers, however, is anything but. 

He spots a small gray bundle that young Leafpool has brought close. The smallest kit is still. A look of determination crosses her eyes and she licks its fur the wrong way to warm it up. When the gray kit remains unmoving, she became very quiet, leaning her muzzle into its tiny pelt. 

Jayfeather strains his ears to make out her words. "Please, StarClan," she pleads in a small voice. "Don't punish my son for my mistakes." Then, the kit let out a small cry, squirming a little and clearly hungry. She guides it towards her belly with her fluffy tail to feed. 

Relieved, Squirrelflight licks the top of the weaker kit's head. "I like Lionkit for the golden brown tom," she meows. 

"Yes. Lionkit will do nicely. The black one will be called Hollykit," Leafpool mews, exhaustion thick in her voice. She paused to think for a moment. "And the little one will be called Jaykit, for his endurance and strength." She leans down to watch her litter with a similar emotion he's seen her with once or twice. 

StarClan Leafpool sighs deeply. "From that moment I saw you for the first time, I knew you were different. I didn't know what set you apart yet. You were still little." Her voice sounds distant, as if in a far away dream. "I loved you very much, Jayfeather. You becoming my apprentice was both fulfilling and heart-breaking. My son was so close, yet... I couldn't treat you like my own." 

"That's silly," he remarks impatiently. "I'm here now with you, remember?" She lets out a _mrrow_ of laughter and beckons Jayfeather close to her, pelts touching. 

"You wanted to know. So I showed it to you." She slipped away, the cave background slowly fading into bright light. Jayfeather didn't stop her. "Take care of yourself, my son." 

He calls after her. "Make sure I won't get a vague prophecy the next time I receive one!" Though his heart is begging her to stay for a moment longer, he lets her go. 

"I'll try," she meows back, sounding no more than a whisper of the breeze. 

He's back to nothingness. Faintly, he can hear someone calling his name. "Wha--" Jayfeather's paws scramble to keep himself on the platform. He could have fallen off! A small stone from the high-ledge lands onto the forest floor with a tink. 

He leaps down easily to reach a worried looking Alderheart. The younger tom is running towards the ledge, and they meet in the middle. 

"Squirrelflight is awake!" Alderheart exclaims. "But..." He doesn't have the time to continue before the gray tabby races to the den. 

Far off, Jayfeather hears the excited murmuring of cats in the camp, accompanied by Squirrelflight's meows. They must be talking. If StarClan had told her anything, she'd want them to know. 

Jayfeather, again, lays his tail onto his Leafpool's body. The den is quiet as ever. It feels so distant from the heart of the territory. She is still. 

_I'm guessing, that she just looks likes she's sleeping. It's good. That means she died peacefully._

And for a moment, it feels like it's only him and her in this big forest. He gingerly bends down, stroking her fur the wrong way with his tongue. "You'll be less cold now," he meows aloud, settling back onto his hind paws. Slowly, he lets himself breathe in her scent... enough to remember it until the end of his lifetime, he hopes. 

The leaves near the den entrance rustle. "That's," Alderheart huffs indignantly. "That's what I was going to tell you." 

"Yeah." Jayfeather gets up, joining his apprentice. "Let's go and join the others and tell them what happened." He could smell the younger's uncertainty, but simply led him along first to the commotion in camp. 

It had been Leafpool before, who left without him. He imagines a significantly paler, more starry-eyed Leafpool slipping out of her earthly body, and with every step, going up, up, up-- tail lashing with impatience as she seeks the stars. 

In the middle of his path, Jayfeather stops, and lifts his head up high, as if he can see every burning light in the pitch black sky. Alderheart swears later that he sees a shooting star briefly reflected onto the older cat's unseeing eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> I swear I'm way more descriptive than this! It's just that Jayfeather's a blind cat, so I took this into consideration. 
> 
> Comments are always appreciated ^_^


End file.
